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A provocative guide to the hidden dangers of “parentspeak”—those seemingly innocent phrases parents use when speaking to their young children.
Imagine if every time you praise your child with “Good job!” you’re actually doing harm? Or that urging a child to say “Can you say thank you?” is exactly the wrong way to go about teaching manners? Jennifer Lehr is a smart, funny, and fearless writer who “takes everything you thought you knew about parenting and turns it on its ear” (Jennifer Jason Leigh).
Backing up her lively writing and arguments with research from psychologists, educators, and organizations like Alfie Kohn, Thomas Gordon, and R.I.E. (Resources for Infant Educarers), Ms. Lehr offers a conscious approach to parenting based on respect and love for the child as an individual.
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- Sales Rank: #1268349 in eBooks
- Published on: 2017-01-10
- Released on: 2017-01-10
Review
"Underlying her friendly, enjoyable critique of certain phrases parents use reflexively--the kind that lead us to wonder 'How did my mother get in my larynx?'--Lehr offers a substantive and subversive message of respect for kids. The chapter about time-outs is worth the price of the book by itself, but I highly recommend you read the whole thing."
—Alfie Kohn, author of Unconditional Parenting and The Myth of the Spoiled Child
“I'm obsessed with this brilliant gem of a book. I'm sharing it with my spouse, in-laws, extended family and babysitters as a way to start discussions about when to ask for hugs, whether 'please' and 'thank you' are always necessary, and that awful thing that constantly comes out of my mouth--'be careful!' What I love about Jennifer is that she deals out the most incisive, specific, modern advice but then shares honest, authentic, and even awful true stories about her own mistakes. It’s like getting on the phone with the best expert and your best friend all at once.”
—Jill Soloway, creator of Transparent
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"Smart, audacious, and often hilarious. Takes everything you thought you knew about parenting and turns it on its ear." �
—Jennifer Jason Leigh
“If the phrase "Good job, buddy!" has ever made you cringe and you're not sure why (except that you just heard it 6,873 times on the playground, including 146 times coming from your own mouth), this book is for you. Jennifer Lehr’s serious, skeptical look at why we sound so patronizing, controlling, and fake nice when we talk to our kids may change not only the way you talk to yours, but even the way you bring them up. Language is power, and this powerful book blows my mind--a fascinating read."�
—Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book, blog, and movement Free-Range Kids
“Beautifully bold. This book bucks convention so well you'll wonder why you never questioned these platitudes before. Jennifer Lehr deeply understands kids and her book is a lifesaver. Get ready to shake up your brain, ditch old habits and discover what the parent-child relationship can really be."�
—Heather Shumaker, author of It's OK Not to Share and It's OK to Go Up the Slide
“Children, even the youngest ones, are not dolls or pets; they are human beings, more intelligent than most adults realize.� In this often witty, always highly engaging book, Jennifer Lehr helps us think about how to talk to and with these small humans.� I recommend it for all new parents, and also for aunts, uncles, grandparents, early educators, and anyone else who interacts with young children.”
—Peter Gray, Research professor at Boston College and author of Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self Reliant, and Better Students for Life
"Wow. I had more EUREKA! moments in the first 15 pages of this book than I have had in most of my 9 years of parenting. This book is my now forever shower gift. Thanks to the painstaking research and consideration of Jennifer Lehr, I now can understand why so many of my well-intentioned impulses have not always provided the calm, confident, loving outcomes I dream of.... It is never too late to examine or change the way we talk to and with our children. Words fly out so fast as a parent--this book gives us a second to step back and hear what we are actually saying. Bravo!"
—Kathryn Hahn, actress, Bad Moms
About the Author
Jennifer Lehr writes about parenting on her site goodjobandotherthings.com, and is the author of Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex.
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